i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
