i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
My life is pants optional.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
