I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
