Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
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Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
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He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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