I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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