Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
