like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
