A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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