i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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