She is in my trunk
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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