Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
