I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
