Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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