you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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