Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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