The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
