I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
