Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
