I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
