I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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