Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Bring me that man meat
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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