this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
