I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
