you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
