I'm lost and stupid without you.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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