Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
