We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
