Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
