just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
