I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
