do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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