I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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