Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
