he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Come share oat with me in your robe
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
