we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
my liver is dry heaving
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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