Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
