I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
