Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
