How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
