He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
