someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
bring money and cleavage
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
