nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
