I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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