Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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