4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
