He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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