very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
