Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
