so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
