considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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