just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
