So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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