Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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