Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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