I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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