Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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