you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
