he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
