he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
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At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
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That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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