and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
