I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
this boner is exhausting
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
