so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize