just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
