Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
