There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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