I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
