with your own penis?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
