I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
