Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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