yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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