After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
