I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
