I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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