Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
