I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
