I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
