Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
