SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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