i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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