just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
