The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
