Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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